How to Stop Being Desperate by Being Aware

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How to Stop Being Desperate by Being Aware

Over the weekend, someone told me something along the lines of, “Don’t be desperate. People don’t like that.”

I was taken aback. I know how not to be desperate and why I shouldn’t. Why did this person say this to me?

Then, over the next few days, something clicked.

The few times I’ve failed in pursuing a relationship, whether in the personal or professional sphere, I’ve found that it’s usually due to one thing:

Lack of awareness.

When I lack awareness, I forget about my own qualities and I end up doing things in excess for others. Here’s the breakdown:

  1. Lacking awareness → Forgetting my own qualities
  2. Forgetting my own qualities → Scarcity mindset (thinking I’m not good enough)
  3. Scarcity mindset → Seeks approval from others (to feel I’m good enough)
  4. Seeking approval from others → Doing things in excess for others
  5. Doing things in excess for others → Desperation (turn-off for others)

Long story short, when I lack awareness, I tend to do things in excess. Whether it’s rambling, exuding restlessness, talking too much, worrying too much if I am liked by others. I’d just be… off

The few times I’ve seen success in pursuing personal or professional relationships, it’s usually because my awareness is present.

Suddenly I know how to say the right things, or what to say… at the right time. More importantly, I became aware of when to stop doing or saying things I shouldn’t. I give off a welcoming, considerate, and a much friendlier vibe. There is a certain groundedness that is just powerfully magnetic and captivating.

I Forgot to Be Aware

A few days after the person I mentioned earlier said that I shouldn’t be desperate, I realize I forgot to remain aware. 

When I forgot to be aware, I slipped.

I slipped into a mindset of scarcity and I forgot about the qualities I have, and I ended up seeking approval from others by doing things in excess.

How to Be Captivating

By being aware, I regulate myself from doing things at just the right amount, and desperation disappears.

But I also realized there is one more thing that’s necessary to be a captivating person:


The disappearance of desperation and not needing approval from others is dangerously close to the feeling of arrogance.

  • To avoid slipping into downright arrogance, you need kindness to guide yourself towards grounded confidence, which is knowing and appreciating your own qualities so that you don’t need approval from others.
  • And by being kind, you give others your approval (at the right amount).

Here’s a breakdown on how to use awareness to stop being desperate, and lacing in kindness to also be captivating:

  1. Having awareness → Knowing my own qualities
  2. Knowing my own qualities → Abundance mindset (thinking I’m good enough)
  3. Abundance mindset → No need to seek approval from others
  4. Not seeking approval from others → Doing things at just the right amount (avoid arrogance at all cost—arrogance is thinking too highly of yourself, and that isn’t the right amount of valuing yourself)
  5. Doing things at just the right amount + Kindness → Grounded confidence, magnetic and captivating

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